


Go Home, Cupid. You're Drunk!

by RollyPratt



Category: Life with Derek
Genre: F/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:33:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22704007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RollyPratt/pseuds/RollyPratt
Summary: It’s Valentine’s day. Derek is horny and Casey is oblivious. Might give you an urge to facepalm, and cavities~
Relationships: Casey McDonald/Derek Venturi
Comments: 15
Kudos: 128





	Go Home, Cupid. You're Drunk!

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine’s Day!

Derek wasn’t sure how he ended up at the stupid mixer. What he did know was that he’d been drinking with the guys, the lot of them moping about being single on Valentine’s day (seriously, what had he done to be burdened with these losers?) and somehow ended up dragged to the community centre where the University organized the single’s mixer.

Expectedly, it was the most boring thing he’d ever experienced, and he was surrounded by the dullest people he’d ever met (no wonder they were single!).

He spotted Casey, because _of course_ she would buy into this kind of lame shit, and surprised himself by really wanting to talk to her.

It’s not like it had been a while, they frickin’ lived together. But compared to everyone else here, she was the _least_ boring person he knew (and okay, maybe just in general too).

He approached her, sliding next to her next to the punch bowl, as she kept scanning the room somewhat disappointedly.

“Why am I not surprised to find you at the loser’s party?” Derek drawled. She looked at him, unimpressed.

“If you’re so cool, then what are you doing here?” Casey asked.

“Good question, your honour!” Derek said, watching as she already rolled her eyes at his whole existence. “See, I am single by choice, but everyone here? They are _desperate_.”

“If that is so, then you really don’t need to be here.”

“Well, the thing is, like I said, girls here are _desperate_. And that means they are _easy._ ”

“You’re disgusting,” Casey said, her face scrunching up in distaste.

“What about you,” Derek asked, “weren’t you seeing that guy?”

Now that he thought of it, he hadn’t seen whatshisface in a while. Evidently, living together didn’t mean she was updating him on her private life, which, at this moment, seemed like a pity.

He totally blamed it on the alcohol and how boring his night had been, but while he looked at her, his eyes drifted down, following the lines of her body, and he was suddenly aware of how _hot_ she was.

The curve of her hips, her toned legs that went on for days. Her long hair fell low down her back, really just an invitation for him to pull on it. Hard.

On a normal day, he would have stifled those kinds of thoughts instantly. This time though, he let himself entertain the possibilities. They _did_ share an apartment, so technically, he’d probably end up taking her home one way or another.

“It didn’t work out,” Casey uttered, squirming in pseudo-embarrassment.

“Pfft,” Derek dismissed, because _duh_ , obviously it didn’t work out.

Casey scoffed. “Shouldn’t you be looking for your next victim?” She asked sharply, probably pissed off.

He looked back at the crowd, considering hitting up another girl, maybe someone who wasn’t related to him in some way. There wasn’t anything to do about it though, his fancy had already settled on Casey.

Derek sighed. “I’m not feeling it.”

“Wow,” Casey deadpanned, this time likely unimpressed with his ambivalence.

“Yeah, I know,” he said, smiling a he leaned into her to whisper secretively. “It doesn’t usually happen to me, I swear.”

For some reason, she laughed, which in itself was almost as satisfying as hearing his name broken in half.

“So,” he redirected, “no one making it far enough on the Casey checklist, huh?”

She pouted as her shoulders slumped. “Not one,” Casey said, discouraged. “And I’ve interviewed literally _every single guy_ in here.”

_Well._

“That’s not true,” Derek stated, casually shoving his hands in his jean pockets.

“Did someone new walk in?” Casey perked up, looking around the room for an interesting new face.

_Right._ Subtle wasn’t gonna cut it.

“Noooo,” Derek drawled, leaning closer into her, ensuring that her eyes were focused on his. “ _I_ didn’t get interviewed.”

“You?” Casey questioned in astonishment, then proceeded to laugh. “Pffft! Ha ha ha!”

“I am a great candidate, I’ll let you know,” Derek defended, straightening up and squaring his shoulders. “I’ve got the looks, the smarts, what else do you need?”

She looked at him thoughtfully, her brow creasing slightly the way she did when she considered how to classify a book on her shelves.

“Let’s see,” Casey said seriously, pulling out her notebook and pencil out of nowhere. “Shall we?”

“You have an actual checklist?”

“Reasonably attractive,” she listed, ignoring his comment. She looked him up and down, before making her final decision - grudgingly. “Check.”

Derek smirked, pretty pleased with himself, if he was being honest. He just _knew_ she was attracted to him. There was no way this _thing_ was one-sided. She’d always give off vibes, like she was constantly _this close_ to just jumping him.

“Prosperous,” Casey continued, marking things down, “nope.”

“I’ll be _prosperous_ enough when I’m a filthy rich hockey player.”

“Confident,” she went on, shaking her head, “... unbearably so.”

“Don’t knock it, it’s a check!”

“Funny - not really.”

“I’m hilarious!”

“Sometimes-“

“Check!”

“Listens when I talk - never.”

“I always listen.”

“You didn’t listen when I told you to wash the dishes!”

“Oh I listened, I just don’t follow orders!”

She lifted her eyebrows in challenge, looking down at her notebook theatrically. “Look at that, number six: _follows orders_.”

“That’s not on your list!” Derek argued. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“Here’s a real one for you,” Casey said, “acts like a gentleman.”

“I-“ Derek started.

“A big. Fat. Nope!” Casey interrupted.

“I held the door open for you that one time!” 

“Has a decent knowledge of foreign films-“

“Technically, American is foreign.”

“Reads books-“

“Graphic novels are books!”

Casey gave him that pitying smile that usually meant _I’m sorry you’re so dumb,_ and put her notebook back in her purse.

“Face it,” she said, sighing in satisfaction. “You just don’t cut it.”

She had an amused twinkle in her eye, a provoking, daring look like maybe she wanted him to keep pushing. Heck if he didn’t know how.

_Game on_.

“What about the other important criterias,” Derek stated slowly, shrugging as he put his hand on the table to support his weight, bringing his face inches from hers, “that _aren’t_ on your list.”

“If they aren’t on my list, they aren’t important,” Casey declared assuredly.

“Right,” Derek said, “You say that, but when you end up with your _perfect_ guy who reads _Shakespeare_ and whatnot… what are you gonna do when you find out that he doesn’t last _five minutes_?”

“My relationships last more than five minutes, De-rek!” Casey scolded.

“Oh, honey,” he chuckled, ”I’m not talking about the duration of the _relationship_.”

He saw the wheels turning behind her eyes before she gasped. “Sex isn’t everything!” she said, apparently shocked by his insinuation.

She was just too easy to rile up. And a riled up Casey meant he was graced with the sight of her reddening face, neck, and heaving chest.

Painfully detaching his gaze from her cleavage, he met her eyes again. “Spoken like a girl who’s never had a real orgasm.” Derek said, effectively causing the deep blush on her cheeks to turn a fiery red.

“What would you know about it?” Casey said softly, breathily, taking one step and closing the gap between them. He felt the heat radiating off of her.

“Casey,” he said loftily, “you’re so tense you look like you might snap in half any minute.”

“I am not _tense_!” she said, affronted. She crossed her arms, creating a barrier between them.

Derek rolled his eyes. “When’s the last time you had one?”

“One what?”

“A really good orgasm.”

“De-rek!”

“I’m just saying,” Derek said, holding his hands up like he was going to placate her, “it’s obvious you need a good seeing to, and you need someone who knows what he’s doing.”

“I do not need _seeing to_!” Casey gasped, outraged.

Unfazed, he pressed on. “When?”

“That is _so_ none of your business.”

“Wow, that long?”

“Okay,” she practically shouted, “maybe it has! Your point?”

Seeing his window of opportunity, Derek delivered his killing blow.

”I just want you to know,” he said, his voice dropping low as his fingers reached out to brush her arm softly, “your big brother will take care of you when you need him.”

He watched as his breath blew through a strand of her hair that was resting against the side of her face.

“Are-are you saying…” Casey stuttered, _yes he was saying- “_ you want to match me with one of your friends?”

_What_?

There was a second of pause where Derek had to really concentrate on what she’d said because, _surely_ , she couldn’t believe that was his intention here. He could _hear_ her heart beating hard from where he stood (admittedly really close).

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, I’m not saying that.”

“Good,” Casey said, relaxing a little - maybe there was hope. “Because there’s _no way_ I’d date a guy on your hockey team.”

The thought of Casey dating one of the idiots on his team made his stomach churn.

“Yeah,” Derek said, nodding as he passed a hand through his tousled hair. “I’ll give you that, they didn’t get so lucky at birth.”

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “So, if you’re not trying to pawn me off to some guy... what’s your angle?”

He took a deep breath- “I swear to God, Derek!” Casey cut back in. “If you’re just trying to get me out of the apartment so you can bring your lineup of girls-“

“I’m not trying to get you out of the apartment!” Derek interrupted, grabbing her shoulders (holy shit her skin was _burning up_ ). “Though I can’t make promises regarding a girl.”

“Ugh,” Casey uttered, “Maybe I should just find someone so I won’t accidentally walk in on something I don’t want to see.”

“Actually, you might want to be there.”

“Ew. Why?”

“Because,” Derek said slowly, giving it one more shot. “I’m offering to _solve_ your problem.”

“You mean the fact that I’m tense?” Casey asked, and _thank god, she was getting it!_

“Yes!” Derek exclaimed, relieved.

It’s not that he wanted to have sex with her _that badly_ (shut up), but damn, it was nice to be getting somewhere. Hopefully home. Hopefully soon.

Rubbing up and down her arms, Derek smiled enticingly as she considered his suggestion.

“Hmm,” she hummed, rolling back her shoulders. She smiled. “I _could_ use a back rub.”

“Oh my fucking god.”

Derek’s arms fell at his sides and his head fell back so he could contemplate the grey, dreary ceiling, and how much he regretted that of all the people he could be fucking right now, he only wanted to fuck _her_ , Miss so deep in denial she probably forgot what r _eality_ was like.

“No back rub?” Casey whined. He sighed, lifting his head back up to look at her and the small pout on her lip.

“Fine,” Derek abdicated. “I’ll give you your back rub. Let’s just go home.”

Casey smiled brightly, latching onto his arm as he turned to leave. Derek rolled his eyes.

This girl was going to drive him _crazy_.


End file.
